Mission: Impeccable 3
by Cath1
Summary: “I think it would help if the words to Norwegian Wood weren’t in my head.” Yet more plotless nonsense. J/D


Mission: Impeccable 3

Mission: Impeccable 3

Author: Cath

Feedback: Is always appreciated, as always to [button_mush@hotmail.com][1]

Disclaimer: Sadly, not mine. And as yet I don't have the money to buy them into my plan to take over the world, either, but I'm working my way there. 

Category: J/D. 

Summary: "I think it would help if the words to Norwegian Wood weren't in my head." Yet more plotless nonsense. J/D (S/A in very small amounts, if you look close enough…)

Note: Wasn't going to bother writing any more of this series, but decided that if I could provide some small amount of distraction to those currently looking for it, it wouldn't matter if this was a lot of plotless alcoholic nothing. This will hopefully serve a purpose in that people would question my sanity, which might take their minds off the real world for a minute. May new heights of plotlessness be achieved… 

~*~ Mission: Impeccable 3 ~*~

I'm currently practising my 'ill voice'. Why? Well, the minor fact that I want to avoid going into work today is the primary reason. You see, people saw me the other day whilst I embarrassed myself completely, and I'm hoping that if I don't go in today then they might forget the whole 'no pants' incident. I'm just not going to think about the fact that I was wearing Tweetie Pie boxers. From this day on I promise that I will never be too lazy to wash my clothes and so never have to compromise my integrity by having to wear boxer shorts with cartoon characters emblazoned upon them. Seriously. I am going to be 'washer of the year' at the laundry. Although having my own washing machine might actually detract from this wondrous honour somewhat. 

Plus, in addition to this embarrassment, I'm trying to avoid Sam after a particularly vivid dream that I had last night. No, not that, thank you. It was worse. I'm not going to go into details, but let's just say that it involved the Beatles singing 'Norwegian Wood' to Sam and I as we sat on a boat along a moonlit river. And the least said about that, the better. 

And so back to me practising the ill voice. I'm really quite good at it, I think. I should have been an actor. The phone rings and interrupts the latest version of 'I'm (cough) far too ill (cough) to come in today. I'll (cough) try my best to do some (cough, cough) work from home, but I think (cough) that I'm just going to sit on the couch covered in a blanket (cough) and go to sleep'. I answer in my most weak voice, only for my mother to ask me what is wrong with me, and do I need her to come to Washington with her special herbal tea (urgh) and make sure I am okay. I quickly reassure her that I am fine, but she caught me as I was just waking up, and why on earth is she phoning at 6 o'clock in the morning? 

"I'm going to this craft fair today and I was just wondering if you wanted me to pick you anything up, a birthday present or anything?" She tells me, and I can't begin to think of what the hell I might want from a craft fair. 

"I'm all right for everything at the moment, but thanks anyway." I reply warily. 

"If I see anything, I'll phone you at work then." She says.

"Yeah, sure that would be great." I tell her, trying to get her off the phone as soon as possible. "Okay, so bye then." I say quickly, but she doesn't take the hint.

"Do you think Donna might want something?" She asks me, as if I might know if Donna would want anything. 

"You'll have to ask her." I say logically. 

"I'll do that." She says brightly. "I'll speak to you later then." 

"Yeah, bye." She hangs up and I wonder if this day is going to get any weirder. 

The phone rings almost as soon as I put the receiver down and I answer in my normal voice, expecting that it will be my mother asking me if I want any handmade jam or whatever the hell it is that they sell at these things. 

It's Donna. "Just making sure that you were up. Wouldn't want you to be late now, would we?" 

I try to interrupt with my speech "I'm far too (cough) ill to come in…" 

"I'll see you later then." She says before hanging up. 

"I'll try my best to do some work at home, but I think I'm just going to sit on the couch with a blanket and go to sleep." I finish to the dial tone before hanging up. Guess I'm going to have to go in then, aren't I? Damn it. 

__

I once had a girl, or should I say, she once had me. 

And I'm going to have that damn Beatles song in my head all day, aren't I? 

I leave my apartment, close the door behind me and lock it before contemplating, as I do every day, whether I should take the stairs or the elevator. 

The elevator wins again, and I wait a minute or so before getting in, nodding briefly to the guy already standing there as he is most days, and I press the button for the ground floor, irrelevant of the fact that it is already lit up. We stop at the third floor, and a very attractive young woman who also rides with us most days gets on and also presses the ground floor button. It's a routine we all have. I have never yet spoken to these people, which is kind of weird, but I know that we will all, without doubt, press the ground floor button. The guy in the dark suit (who I've affectionately come to know as Bob, although I have no idea what his name really is) stands in the right hand back corner, the girl (Stacey) on the left hand side, gripping the rail. I've often liked to wonder about what they do in life, as well. Bob is a lawyer, divorced with two children, lives alone on the top floor. Stacey is a sales manager, working at one of the top sales firms. Her fiance is a doctor and doesn't live with her at the moment, but they're going to move in together soon. 

However, my little internal ideas are halted abruptly when the elevator comes to a sudden stop. I look up at the numbers above the door, and there aren't any. We're stuck in the elevator. 

Guess I'm going to actually find out about what these people do. We're stuck in the elevator. 

Have I mentioned that we are stuck in the elevator? And Stacey has begun to hyperventilate. This is going to be a fun ride. 

I look for and locate the emergency alarm, and nothing happens. I think this happened in a comedy programme once. Not in my life. No, no, no. I am never ever going to have negative thoughts about not going to work if this happens. 

15 minutes later, we've realised that we're stuck here. We've turned the alarm off because it was irritating as hell. It's also getting warm in here, and I'm about 5 minutes away from beginning to take off my outer layers. We're all sat on the floor, and we've still said nothing beyond some choice expletives, but Stacey is still clinging on to the railing for almost dear life, her face almost white, and I'm beginning to think that she doesn't like elevators. "Are you okay there?" 'Bob' asks her. 

Stacey looks up at him. "Umm, I don't really like elevators." She says, her voice shaking. 

"Why didn't you take the stairs?" I ask. 

She looks at me, her eyes wide. "I dislike the stairs even more." I have no reply to that. 

"Listen, why don't you calm down, breathe deep. We might be here for a while, and it would be easier if you were calm." Bob says in what I would call a reassuring voice. "Breathe in, breathe out." He says with the monotony of a hypnotist. He repeats this several times doing the actions as he speaks, and even I'm starting to join in. Breathe in, breathe out. This really is quite relaxing. Breathe in, breathe out. 

Stacey has begun to relax somewhat now, and her hands are now in Bob's rather than clutching at the bar. 

We're all still breathing in and out at the same time, and I'm beginning to feel a little silly. I still have no idea what the hell these people are called. However I'm more anxious about getting out of here, and for the first time realise that I could probably phone work and at least explain that I'm going to be late for an actual reason, and then call some engineers to get us out of here. 

My genius thinking wasn't actually all that genius it seems, as there is no signal in the dumb, stupid, stupid elevator. Hmm, I need to de-stress a little here. Breathe in, breathe out. 

__

I once had a girl or should I say she once had me. 

She showed me her room, isn't it good, Norwegian wood?

Sam and I sitting close, eating ice cream, the Beatles, the boat. 

It's all too much, I scream. 

Stacey and Bob stop breathing and look at me as though I have lost my mind, which is probably as good a diagnosis as any. 

"My cell phone isn't working." I say weakly. They thankfully seem to understand. 

"Listen, since it looks as though we're going to be stuck in here a while, why don't we get to know each other?" Bob says surprisingly cheerfully since he's stuck in an elevator with a couple of freaks. "I'm Jim and I'm a professor of biology at Georgetown University." He says in pretty much the way that I imagine people introduce themselves at AA meetings. However it's beyond me to contradict, and I go along with it. 

"See, I totally had you pegged for a Bob." Stacey comments. I look at her in surprise. That is weird and spooky. 

"I'm…" I start, but Stacey interrupts.

"Josh Lyman, you work at the White House, Deputy Chief of Staff, right?" Would I be correct in thinking I have a fan here? Or just a nosy neighbour who likes to do reconnaissance work in her spare time? Maybe she's working for the Republicans and is trying to find out every piece of information about me so that she can bring the Government down, and that's why she's living in the same building as me. However, they already might think I've lost it, so I don't announce my fears out loud. 

"Yeah, and you are?" I ask, thinking that maybe she'll come up with some extraordinary job description in order to cover up her true identity. 

"Lauren Hayes, I work in personnel." She says, shaking my hand. "At the White House." She adds as an afterthought. She seems to have come to terms somewhat with the situation now, which is a relief.

"You don't happen to know Ainsley, by any chance?" I ask, and she says nothing but looks at me funny. Well, I had to get all my bases covered. 

She really is a very attractive woman, I notice again. Maybe I ought to try for Mission Impeccable times three? 

Jim looks at his watch slightly concerned. "My boyfriend is really going to be worried about where I am." I totally didn't get him as being gay. It seems that Lauren didn't, either, as she looks a bit surprised. "See, we work together and we always get coffee together before we start." He explains. Well, I guess we're going to get the story of his life first then. Over 30 minutes later, I can tell you that Jim is originally from Seattle, but moved to Las Vegas at the age of 18 in order to make money to go to college. His job, well he was a male exotic dancer at a Vegas strip club. A year later he signed up for Georgetown majoring at first in chemistry, but then deciding to change to biology as chemistry was for geeks. He got a job in biological research (something to do with antibodies and micro-organisms, but I wasn't paying much attention even though he was quite excited about the whole thing) but quit a few years later as he wasn't satisfied with what he was doing. He then spent a further few years at university doing a PhD eventually getting a job at Georgetown as a lecturer. He's been there ever since and met Neil over a year back, who works in the expressive arts department. Jim seems like a really nice guy, and Lauren and I ask him several questions. All of which seem to turn to the topic of Neil (who I know more about now than I ever really needed to) and so eventually I decide that it's Lauren's turn to tell her story. 

"So, have you worked for the White House long, I don't think I've ever seen you around." I ask as an opening question.

"I've worked there since Bartlet became president." She replies. "I'm surprised you've never seen me, I've seen you in the mess numerous times with your girlfriend." She says, and I'm just trying to think of who she's talking about. 

"You mean Mandy? She left ages ago, and we split up before we got into office." I tell her, as Mandy is about the only girlfriend that I can even think of having in the past few years. 

"No, I mean now, the tall blonde one." Tall, blonde, who? "Umm, I think her name is Deena or something similar."  
"Donna? Donna's not my girlfriend, she's my assistant." I tell her, laughing. Really, that is beyond funny. Donna and I together, who would have thought such a thing? Okay, so half the White House, but I'm not about to tell Lauren that.

"Really? You sure?" She asks. 

"I'm reasonably sure." I say.

"You're not even sleeping with her?" She sounds hopeful. I wonder what is going on here, and even Jim seems to find it amusing. 

"Not as far as I know, I'd remember that, I'm sure." I tell her and her face falls.

"Okay, but could you pretend sometime when you ever see me and my friends together? Just put your arm around her, kiss her on the cheek?" What the hell is she going on about?

"Why?" I ask suspiciously. 

"Because…" She falters. I think I liked her better when she was too nervous to talk. "Because I'd lose money if my friends found out." I look at her curiously, as does Jim. "See, we have this thing where we bet on all the people we don't know and we think are involved and if we ever meet these people we have to find out. Then we get paid if we're right, or pay out if we're wrong." I continue looking at her incredulously, saying nothing. Jim laughs. "It's really boring in personnel, okay?" She tells me in a whiny voice. And I eventually laugh at her. She really does sound quite pathetic. 

"And you do this with lots of people?" I ask. 

"Yeah, I mean, there are lots of relationships within the White House because no one has a life out of it." She explains, and I understand where she is coming from. 

"So who else do you bet on that I might know?" I query, intrigued. 

"Umm, that really cute guy, Sam Seaborn, and the blonde girl he sits with at lunch sometimes." She looks at me for confirmation. I say nothing, but smile enigmatically. "A while back we were wondering about CJ Cregg and that reporter, Danny, but we've decided against that one." She pauses to think. "That's about it." She eyes me curiously. "Are you really not going out with your assistant?" She asks again.

"I'm really not." I tell her.

She turns her head to look in Jim's direction. "You should see them together, really. There's a lot of sexual chemistry between them." She tells him. Perhaps I won't bother trying to ask her out, after all. 

"Am I not here?" I ask. They ignore me.

"Maybe we should all go out together sometime so you could witness them in action." Lauren suggests. 

__

She asked me to stay and she told me to sit anywhere.   
So I looked around and I noticed there wasn't a chair.

The acoustic guitar; the Beatles; Sam laying his head on my shoulder. 

"No, no, no." I think I scream. Jim and Lauren certainly look quickly over to me. I try to think about what the hell they were talking about. "I just don't like people organizing my social life for me." I tell them. I think they're beginning to wonder how badly the country is off if the government is made up of people like me. 

"So you don't want to come out with us tonight then?" Lauren asks me, looking quite scared. 

"Sure, if I don't have to stay too late." I tell them. "Just I like people to ask me, is all." I say sheepishly, reinforcing my statement.

"And you'll bring Sam?" She asks excitedly. She'll practically be bouncing up and down in a minute. 

"I'll ask him if he's free." I tell her.

"I suppose you'll have to invite the blonde girl if Sam comes." She says. "Well, that's all right, I guess. And bring Donna, too." I promise to at least ask them all. 

We spend a further hour or so discussing both Lauren and my life stories, before arguing about important things. Like, should Jim ask Neil to move his place (Jim refuses to move into Neil's apartment) or should they both compromise and buy an apartment together elsewhere. And were the Beatles the best band ever, or not. This question was, obviously, devised by myself as an ingenious way to attempt to get rid of the song from my head. It was unsuccessful. Eventually I tell everyone my dilemma, and Jim and I end up teaching the words of Norwegian Wood to Lauren. We spend another hour bonding further when finally over 3 hours after we stopped we start to suddenly move again. 

We cheer, and Lauren and Jim jump up and down, hugging each other and I finally concede and join in. We're still jumping and hugging when the elevator doors open on the ground floor, and the engineers who are standing there look at us in amusement. 

We make an interesting sight I realise. We'd all removed some of our clothing as the heat was beginning to get to us, and we're jumping around with far too much joy, Lauren dancing almost, embracing each other. We let go of each other, and I pick up the clothes that I had removed from the floor as well as my backpack, and ask Lauren if she wants to walk with me to work. She hugs Jim one last time, thanking him for helping her get over her fear of elevators to some extent, and they finalize plans for this evening. 

Jim makes his way in the opposite direction, and I tell him that I'll hopefully see him later. Then Lauren links her arm through mine, glad to be out in the bright airy light of day, and she starts singing Norwegian Wood, and I join in as she gets some of the words wrong, and I obviously have to correct her. It's all great fun, and as we enter the White House and go our separate ways, she tells me that she's going to go boast to all her friends that she was stuck in an elevator with me for nearly four hours, as apparently they'll be jealous. She also reminds me to ask Sam, Ainsley and Donna out tonight and I nod.

I finally get into my office a few minutes later, Donna running up to me and asking where I was. Apparently Leo would like to talk to me. I tell her about the elevator, and she finds this immensely amusing and laughs. A lot. Sam then comes into my office, also worried about where I was, and I try desperately not to think of the song whilst Donna tells him that I was trapped in an elevator. He, too finds this amusing, and tells me that Leo wants to see me as soon as I get in, i.e. now. I take the hint; Leo's going to be pissed off with me enough as it is. I say goodbye to Donna and Sam and they wish me luck, and I head off to Leo's office, singing quietly. 

__

She told me she worked in the morning

And started to laugh

I told her I didn't and crawled off to sleep in the bath

I reach Leo's office and pause a minute before I go in. 

I am greeted by Leo shouting at me for being late. Well, the day wouldn't be complete without this. However he continues to rant for the next ten minutes about my behaviour in public, commenting on my lack of attire in my office, my need to attempt to date every woman who I come into contact with at work and I just nod incoherently at it all. Finally he grabs a piece of paper off his desk and looks at it, in what could be interpreted as slight amusement, before proceeding.

"You do realise that the websites that you visit on your office computer are logged by the Internet Support Staff and can be traced back to you?" He asks me, and looks at me for a while. I think he wants a response. I nod. He looks at the piece of paper again, and I'm not sure that I want to know what is on it. "So you went looking at the Joshua Lyman Fan Club Appreciation Website with this knowledge?" I say nothing, rehearsing in my head my 'I'm sorry I'm late but I was stuck in an elevator' chorus. "And you knew that the Internet Support Staff would be able to trace 'Crystal's XXX Photo Site', 'Sex Kittens Exclusive', 'The World Of Porn' websites back to your office computer?" He really is quite something to not actually laugh when saying this. He looks terribly amused, but continues to yell. "And, 'All American Male Karma Sutra'. Is there something you're not telling us, Josh?" 

"There's nothing wrong with being gay." I blurt out, thinking about Jim. This wasn't quite what I wanted to say and Leo looks shocked for a minute.   
"No, there's not." He says slowly. And I am suddenly very amused myself. I start laughing. Leo really thought I could be gay? Well, I suppose going out with Mandy can do strange things to people… 

"I'm not gay, really, I'm not." Leo looks uncertain, and I explain to him the whole story of my being trapped in an elevator with Jim and Lauren, and the practising of my internet skills, and I was just making a point. "Because we're Democrats and Democrats are allowed to be gay, but don't have to be." I finish my ramble, and Leo is doing well at suppressing his laughter at the end of it. 

"Just don't do it again." Leo warns finally. "I don't want people to start speculating that we're allowing the Senior Staff to surf the internet for sexually explicit sites in their free time." I look at him, bracing myself for more. "Go." He tells me, motioning to the door. 

I turn and walk to the door, only to find when I open it people standing outside. They all start laughing and clapping when I appear, and I am sure that when I close the door I can hear Leo laughing himself. 

"Gay porn?" Sam asks me, pausing for breath from his laughter for a second. "You went looking for gay porn?" And he starts laughing hysterically again. 

"How did you find out?" I ask him. 

"Well, apart from Leo yelling just then, he announced it in Senior Staff. He was pissed that you were late and decided to teach you a lesson." He informs me. 

And once again I ask for the earth to swallow me up. Donna follows me as I walk away from the crowd and towards my office. "I told you not to go looking at the porn." She says, a smile on her face.

"No." I correct. "You asked why I was looking at gay porn. In no way in any of those sentences was a warning made." 

"Same difference." She tells me, shrugging. 

I spend the rest of the day going to various meetings and, for the second time this week, avoiding any one in the West Wing. Then at six o'clock Sam comes into my office.

"What are you doing tonight?" He asks me.

"I'm going out with some other friends who aren't going to ridicule me." I tell him. He looks shocked.

"You have other friends?" He asks, astonished. 

"The people I was stuck in the elevator with." I inform him. "We decided to go for drinks this evening." 

"Oh." He says, and he starts to say something else but stops. 

"You can join us if you want." I say. "In fact, Lauren would be more than happy for you to come along. Overjoyed." 

He looks happy again, and then his face falls. "What about Ainsley?" He asks. 

"Bring her too." I respond. "Eight o'clock." 

"Okay." He says, and skips off merrily down to the basement. Well, skipping would be a slight exaggeration, but not much. 

I then remember that I was supposed to ask Donna as well, and so call her name. She comes in after the third time of asking. Well, yelling, I suppose. "What are you doing tonight?" I ask her. She looks confused. 

"Why?" She asks skeptically. "If it's work, I'm busy."

"I was just wondering if you wanted to join me and some friends for a drink, but if you're busy…" I trail off. 

"If it's not work, I'm not busy." She states quickly. I smile, I thought as much.

"Meet you here at eight o'clock then." I tell her. 

"Which friends?" She then thinks to ask. "You don't have any friends outside of work." She says as I start to exit the room. 

"You'll find out." I tell her cryptically. I don't know why, it's not as though it's a big mystery. 

We get to the bar shortly before eight thirty, and I quickly locate Jim, Lauren, and some other guy who I presume is Neil, since his arm is around Jim. 

"Hello there." I say. 

"Josh! You made it." Lauren says, throwing her arms around my neck, hugging me and kissing me on the cheek. "We were beginning to think you were going to stay at work all night." 

I then introduce everyone, as Sam, Ainsley, and Donna are looking a little lost. It turns out that the guy with Jim is indeed Neil, and we all get some drinks and sit on a table at the back. I've never actually been to this bar before but it seems quite nice, and they serve good beer. 

Everyone gets talking quickly, and I'm quite relieved to find that they all seem to get on all right. Sam tells Jim, Neil and Lauren about my recent adventures with alcohol and Carrie, work and Carrie, and the internet. Everyone finds this entirely amusing, and many jokes are had at my expense. I drink beer and ignore everyone. As obviously this had to be an alcoholic endeavor somewhere along the way. Besides I've had a stressful day, I deserve it. Everyone continues to make fun of me, most of which doesn't even involve me and so Donna proceeds to tell me that my mother phoned her several times at work asking if she wanted certain items from the craft fair. Apparently there were some good bargains there, and Donna has now got several Christmas gifts for her mother. 

"But Christmas isn't even for a few months yet." I complain.

"So, I like to be ready, I like to have everything organised." She tells me. "I bet you don't even know what you're going to get me this year, do you?" She asks.

"I hadn't even thought about it." I tell her truthfully. 

"Well, I'll just have to take you shopping sometime so I can show you what I want." She tells me.

"Fine." I hold my hands up in mock surrender. 

"Or you could just buy me a plane ticket to Europe." She asks hopefully.

"I thought you wanted to go to Hawaii?" 

"I do, but next summer I'd really like to go to Europe, and nice bosses buy things like that for their dedicated assistants." She informs me, giving me an innocent smile.

"I'm supposed to buy my assistant a plane ticket to Europe?" Sam asks, and I then realise that everyone was listening in on our conversation. 

"I understand what you were saying earlier." Jim tells Lauren. 

"I'd never seen it up close before." Lauren says. "It's a lot more obvious."

"No." I say emphatically. "There is nothing to understand. Nothing." I then see that Donna, Sam and Ainsley are looking expectantly at me, wondering what the hell I'm denying. I'm not going to tell them anything. Lauren, however, takes it upon herself to whisper to Sam, who nods and tells Ainsley. 

"Oh, that." Ainsley comments nonchalantly. 

"What?" Donna asks, looking at them all in turn. "What?" 

No one takes it upon themselves to explain, and I'm certainly not going to. 

"I can feel a chorus of Norwegian Wood coming on." Lauren says trying to change the subject. 

"What?" Sam asks. 

"Norwegian Wood." I mutter. 

Lauren looks over at me. "Come on, Josh, you know you want to sing it." She pushes my beer towards me. "Drink up, and then you'll want to sing." She smiles at me, but looks over at Donna. 

I get the point and so after I finish the beer, I agree that sadly, I do. With Sam, Ainsley, Neil and Donna watching and laughing hysterically, cheering us on, Jim, Lauren and I start to sing, and soon, scarily enough the whole bar is joining in. 

At the end everyone in the bar cheers, apparently used to such madness, and we all laugh together. Finally it is past eleven o'clock, and Donna taps my shoulder telling me to drink up so we can all go home to bed. 

I finish my drink, and I'm not drunk. This could be because Donna made me drink some water in between beers and made sure I didn't drink too much. 

We all stand outside and wait for a cab, Donna goes and talks to Sam and Jim while Lauren comes and talks to me. "You should ask her out." She tells me, following the direction of my focus. 

"You're still deluded into the idea that I might want to ask her out then, or that she might want to go out with me?" I question. 

"We all think that you want to ask her out and we all know that she'll say yes." She tells me. "Take a cab home with her, tell her that you don't want her to go home alone or something." I look at her.

"And this would be because I want to cause a scandal?" I ask.

"I think you give yourself far too much credit as to how much influence you have in the world." She says. "Look, she's got a cab, go." She pushes me towards Donna, who was saying goodbye to Jim, Neil, Sam and Ainsley. 

"Fine, fine, I'm going, but only to make you happy." She gives me another hug, and kisses me quickly. 

"Good luck." She calls out, and I shoot her an evil look. 

I walk towards Donna, where she is waiting to say goodbye to me. "You want me to make sure you get home okay?" I say as disinterested as possible.

"You sure? You don't want to go back with Lauren?" She asks. 

"I'll take you home." I say, and so as she gets in the cab, I say goodbye to everyone else. 

We travel back to her apartment in almost silence, and I can tell that something is bothering her. We stop outside her apartment, and we sit in silence a moment longer. "Do you want to come up to make yourself some coffee?" She asks eventually, and I agree and pay the cab driver. 

We go up to her apartment and I sit on her couch until she tells me that if I want some coffee, I have to make it myself. I decide to have some water instead, as I don't know how to make coffee without the machine, and I get her a glass as well. I go back to the lounge and give her the glass, and we sit down together. 

"What's wrong?" I ask eventually, after I'm bored of looking at the patterns on the boarder around the room. 

"Nothing." She assures me. "How come you didn't go back with Lauren, I noticed you were very close." She asks me, nonchalantly. I think. 

"Jim and Neil are going back with her, you were going back alone." I'm not sure what the hell she's trying to get at here. 

"But you're going to go out with her?" She asks me, and I am beyond speechless. 

"Wh…wh…what?" I stutter. "Huh?" Where did this come from? "We're only friends." I tell her. 

"I'm just trying to encourage you to go out with her, get yourself a girlfriend." She says. 

"Like the thing with Joey." I ask.

"Yes, like the thing with Joey." She confirms.

"I don't want to go out with her." I tell Donna.

"Because you're gay?" She asks, smiling. "I heard what you declared to Leo. Margaret said he was alternating between laughing hysterically and looking shocked all afternoon." 

"Not because I'm gay, although I will state for one last time, there is nothing wrong with being gay." I tell her emphatically.

"Because of the Democratic right to be gay." She tells me, and starts laughing. "God, I wish I could have been there." 

"It really wasn't all that amusing." I tell her, but I'm grinning. 

She says nothing, but continues to laugh a few more minutes, and that damn song comes back into my head again. 

__

I once had a girl or should I say she once had me. 

She showed me her room, 

Isn't it good, Norwegian Wood.

The pictures of Sam and the moonlit riverboat ride come back into my head, and I try to resist yelling, but I can't. Donna looks at me questioningly, and I tell her about the riverboat, the Beatles, Norwegian Wood, and the ice cream.

"Are you sure you don't want to exercise your Democratic right?" She asks, and bursts into laughter again. 

"I'm sure." I tell her, and she suddenly stops laughing as she notices that she's got close to me, like very close. Practically kissing close and it's no longer funny, and I can't be bothered to resist any longer as we are drawn together. And we are finally sober when we kiss this time and it lasts longer than ever before and I'm not going to stop, and I'm not going to deny that there is something between us. Which is good for me. However, we eventually have to stop so we can actually breathe. 

"Well, that was different. We weren't completely drunk." She says, and looks up at me with a slight smile on her face. "So, want to try again?" She offers. "What's wrong?" She asks when she notices what is probably a very weird look on my face.

"I think it would help if the words to Norwegian Wood weren't in my head. I keep thinking of Sam and moonlit serenades." 

"It's that damn Democratic right to be gay." She declares and we both laugh before she attacks me, holds me down and makes me kiss her again. Obviously she's too strong for me to even think about resisting. 

And I think that despite it's start, this is a good day.

Who needs the mission when you can have this?

The end… 

__

In case you wanted the lyrics. 

**__**

Norwegian Wood.

The Beatles

I once had a girl or should I say she once had me,  
She showed me her room isn't it good  
Norwegian wood?  
She asked me to stay and she told me to sit anywhere  
So I looked around and I noticed there wasn't a chair 

I sat on a rug biding my time drinking her wine  
We talked until two and then she said  
It's time for bed 

She told me she worked in the morning  
And started to laugh  
I told her I didn't and crawled off to sleep in the bath 

And when I awoke I was alone this bird had flown  
So I lit a fire isn't it good  
Norwegian wood? 

   [1]: mailto:button_mush@hotmail.com



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